Confidence. It’s something that we are told comes with time or experience. I think some people are born confident. I am not one of these people.I endure social anxiety, I overanalyse and I pick apart every single social situation and run through it with a fine tooth comb. It’s a part of who I am. And yet, some people still ask me how I am confident. I laugh and say “Me? I am not confident.” This is because I am lying every single day. I am faking confidence. And it works! I thought I would share my tips on faking confidence and hopefully we can all be socially awkward penguins together that eventually blossom into socially awesome penguins. Okay, I am talking in memes now, reel it in.
1. Stand tall
The easiest way to look unconfident is slouching shoulders. I am a sloucher. I slouch, lean and huddle myself in, unless I can consciously pull myself up. Simply by pulling your shoulders back and lifting your head (yes, people want to see your pretty face!) you can look worlds more confident and more approachable. If you are all hunched down, people assume that you aren’t in the mood to talk, and will veer away.
Smiling is the best way to look confident. Don’t be running around with a Joker-esque smile on you face, you don’t want to look creepy! But looking genuinely happy and avoiding the resting bitch face look that can happen (this happens to me all the time!) it can give the appearance of happiness and therefore, they believe you are confident!
3. Think about how great you are
This sounds completely trite and very self-involved, but I find if I don’t actively think about my good points, I can get seriously down on myself. I am someone who over-thinks and picks things apart piece by piece, especially myself. Even just taking a couple of minutes out of your day and thinking about something good you did for another person, you are proud of something you achieved or you think you perfected your brows today - just take the time to think “Yeah, I am pretty great.” Don’t rely on other people to bring up your mood. It starts with you.
4. Body Language
Something I learnt on my job search was body language to appear confident - even if you are shaking in your boots. Uncross your arms and open your arms up. This might seem similar to the first point I made, but it’s not just about un-huddling yourself from your cocoon. It’s about opening your upper body (keep them legs closed gurl!) and exposing your inner arms or wrists. It shows an open person, who is easier to approach and is confident enough to expose our organs (if you want to get scientific about it).
5. Stay quiet and listen
Not only will the person talking love you for it (everybody loves talking) it can give you a chance to collect your thoughts and take some deep breaths. I find it incredibly intimidating to look someone in the eyes unless I know them extremely well. I like to look between their brows. It gives you somewhere to look at and also gives the illusion that you are maintaining eye contact.
Do you have any tips on Faux Confidence? How do you make yourself feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations?